"Men, you represent strong persons", "Men bleed but not weep", "Men are rational animals" are some of the descriptions of men, which sound very familiar to us. Men have been learning the gender role subconsciously since birth, and they are expected to perform these roles as far as they can. Of course, we do not mean to devalue the functions of the gender role. However, if men take their gender role into the extreme, problems may arise. For example, men do not allow nor accept themselves to have weaknesses. Men always suppress their feelings or pay less attention to interpersonal relationship and affections. When men behave like this, they already possess a pyramid heart. Through our contacts with many male clients, this phenomenon is quite common.

A Pyramid Heart: Three Common Types of Men

Perhaps you may ask, "What is a man's pyramid heart?" A pyramid heart was translated from a book "Men Behind the Masks" by Philemon Choi and Raymond Au. They observed that the three common types of men coincidentally match with the characteristics of the Egyptian pyramids, so they create the term "a pyramid heart of men".

The First Type: A Warrior Fighting For A Higher Rank

The shape of a pyramid resembles a hierarchy from lower to higher ranks. It is like men who compete with each other in order to climb to the top of the social ladder. Their interactional pattern with others are: obey to the superiors, command the subordinates and compete with peers.

However, when men emphasize too much on competition, they are not easy to find true friendship. Moreover, when they focus too much on work, their lives will become monotonous. It is not uncommon to see some middle aged men who reach the top of the social ladder but find out that this is not their life goal.

Many of the male staff we encountered found it hard to share personal matters with colleagues, because they were afraid that they would look down upon them. Hence, they may feel that they know a lot of people, but there is hardly one they can share. Quite often, the only person they can turn to is their girl friend or wife, but some of them even do not want to bother their partners and decide not to tell them. Eventually, they have to face the difficulties alone. If they cannot handle it properly, their negative feelings will be built up and blown out at last.

Men face greater frustrations than women when they meet difficulties in work. It is because work is the main supporting pillar and the dignity of men. This explains why work frustrations can defeat men.

The Second Type: Focus on Objects or Beliefs

The focus of a pyramid is its sharp apex. Men's focus is usually put on objects, like computer, Hi Fi, car or beliefs in working hard, but seldom on people. We frequently heard complaints from wives that their husbands prefer to watch TV, read newspaper or play computer after work than talk with them or their children. Gradually, they become more distant from them.

Men seem to focus on objects in order to avoid the intimate relationship. They tend to use objects to drive away their loneliness. Perhaps, men are really not accustomed to express their feelings. They also concern how the others appraise them. They are afraid to give a poor impression, such as weak, feminine, emotional or irrational to others. Furthermore, they do not know how to respond to the others' feelings in a proper way. Often, without conscious knowing, they build up a wall around themselves.

The Third Type: A Mummy Who Suppresses the Feelings

You may discover that these three types are actually inter-related, though one has its own characteristics. We all know what mummies like. It happens that those men who suppress their feelings are a bit like the mummies. In fact, men do have different kinds of feelings, like happiness, anger and sadness. However, they have been taught to control their emotions, especially the negative ones since they were young. They dare not be too excited even though they are elated, otherwise, they would be considered not mature enough.

The Egyptians believe that the mummies will live again some day. We also believe and actually witness that some men can have a breakthrough of the three types. They can be strong and at the same time, enjoy intimate relationships with others. When men do not go into the extremes, they can live energetically again.